It seems lately we have a countdown for everything. A countdown to the last day of school. A countdown to camping with Heather and her family. A countdown to our next race. A countdown to our move as a family. A countdown to my office move. While all of these things are good I had a realization the other day that I am focusing too much on the future and losing sight of the here and now.
We cannot wait for this move. It has been on our hearts for years but we always chalked it up to “homesickness” and would visit family and feel better when we got back. This time it was different. This time it wasn’t all about us, it was about Jackson. And this time, we prayed. I know, I know, you probably thought that was the first thing we did. I hate to admit it, but praying isn’t always the first thing that comes to my mind. Why? Because I want to fix it myself. I want to make the decisions myself and in my little brain sometimes I think I know better than God. Again, this time was different. We prayed first. Listed to Him second. And took yet another leap of faith.
We have spent the last three weekends in our new hometown. And my cupeth was overflowing with happiness. Jackson got to visit his new school, meet new friends, play with old friends, we got to meet our neighbors, we got to be part of our community. And for the first time in I don’t know how long, I felt like I was home. And it felt good, real good.
So, as we still countdown to our big move (which remind you is only a month away– and we aren’t even packed!) I have to focus on today. Because today, Jackson will only get to be three years, nine months and twelve days (or so), only this one time. I can’t get these days back. I can’t “re-do” what has already been done. I can’t wish I would have played a little longer, read another book, held his hand, laid with him, because there will become a time when he won’t want to do those things and I will have missed out. And I am here to tell you, I am not going to be the mom who misses out on anything. I want to be present.
Which reminds me. We were having a conversation about the kind of parents we are (we have those conversations a lot) and were talking about how we wanted to give Jackson our PRESENCE not PRESENTS. There are days when I think I am good at this. And then there are days when I think I have failed him completely because my mind was wandering to my endless to do list and wondering when I was going to get it all in. So, instead of making sure the toys are picked up, the dishes are done, the house is cleaned, or even packed for that matter, I am going to take my precious three year old to the beach, every day if he wants to. Why? Well, one, we won’t live walking distance to a beach in anymore! But in all seriousness, because he deserves a mom who is present and wants to build sand castles with him, even if all he does is smash them!