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A few weeks ago I started to write some articles that were all on the topic of infertility. A topic I know all too well. It is sort of refreshing (I know that sounds crazy) to write about the topic now. Now that we have the baby we never thought we were going to have. But it got me thinking again. It got me remembering those hard days.
And I remember someone just telling me “someone wants to be in your shoes.” Meaning, someone (lots of someones) out there want to be a mom. I suddenly remembered those days, weeks, months and years when I longed to be a mom. I remembered back then I was told too, that I shouldn’t be “comparing” myself to everyone else, they may want the relationship you and JJ have. Well of course I couldn’t see that in the moment. When you are in the heat of a difficult situation, it is hard to see the good in it. But there were so many goods in our life, including our relationship with each other.
JJ and I had just moved to a new city to pursue his teaching career. We were involved in our bible study. We were relying so heavily on the Lord. At this point we had been waiting roughly 4 years for a baby. Waiting and dreaming for what life would be like when we became parents. I was at probably one of my lowest points in our journey and I didn’t know what to do. I had turned to my support network, I had reached out to our social worker, I just had enough. And I found this book, “Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby.” Check it out here.
JJ and I decided together that we were going to put our adoption “on hold.” Meaning that no one was going to be looking at our portfolio. We weren’t withdrawing from the program all together but we were essentially putting it on “hold” until we could figure out what we needed. We spent the next several weeks and months reading this book and doing a devotion on marriage and children. It was exactly what we needed. It was the “break” we needed. We will have waited two more years to receive our blessing from God but at that moment in time, the break and the book were exactly what we needed.
In essence, don’t be afraid to take a break. No matter what you are going through. Take a step back. Take a breather. Take time to find things that make you happy. Take time for each other. Take time for yourself. Of course this comes from one who has survived the struggle. And sometimes when you are in the middle of the struggle it is hard to see the other side. I know for me, I didn’t love the advice all the time, but looking back it was this time in our lives that changed me the most.
Then we received this miracle!