Some time thereafter Heather invited me to her sister’s baby shower. Now, remember our relationship was not what it is today. It’s not like we didn’t have a good relationship, we just were distant for so long, that we sort of “forgot” how this worked or what it looked like.
It was so sweet. I remember Heather sending me a message that said I could bring Jackson with (everyone would love to see him) or if I just wanted some alone time, I could just come alone. I wanted so desperately to bring Jackson, but at the same time, I wanted time to talk (uninterrupted) with Heather and her family.
At the same time though, I thought, oh my goodness, I am going to my son’s biological family’s baby shower. It just never crossed my mind that this is something I would be doing. In fact, I am sure when I told people, they thought the same thing. This just isn’t something that is “normal” but since when do I care if people think I am normal or if my relationship with Heather and her family is “normal.”
The baby shower was held at their church. This was the first time I would step foot into the church Heather and her family praised the Lord in. I felt privileged to be there. Your church home is so important and personal to you. We recently left the church we had called home (conflict of biblical teaching) and had to find a new place to call home. Thankfully we are loving our new church home. But we truly understand how important your church home is to you.
And then I got to meet more of their extended family. I will never forget how Heather would introduce me to someone, she would say “This is Jessica, Jackson’s mom.” Oh sweet Jesus, those words get me, every.single.time! Jackson’s mom. Oh, you could say them to me over and over and it would never get old. It is such a honor to be called that. It is like being called Queen Elizabeth to me — Jackson’s mom, the most proud badge I wear (other than Jesus’ daughter!)
I know Heather touched about this in one of her posts, but I held Baby Michael probably the whole baby shower (sorry if I hogged him too much) and was more than willing to change his diaper. Who in the world is excited to change a dirty diaper. But again, this is when I thought I was still going to be having another baby. The idea of being a mom again excited me. I talked about it with all of Heather’s family. They would say, oh I heard you are going to be having a little girl…. Ugh, looking back and remembering those moments makes me remember the pain of losing the little girl we never had. Boy do I wish things would have turned out differently in that situation but I also remember that this was/is all part of God’s plan.
So as I sat there surrounded by my son’s birth family, I couldn’t help but smile. And thank God the entire drive home for giving me the opportunity. For bringing Heather and her family into our lives. For giving us Jackson. For getting the opportunity to be called “Jackson’s Mom.” And, please Lord, don’t ever let me take that for granted.
(I realized when posting this that I don’t have a single picture from that day, hopefully Heather has some to share!!!) So enjoy this precious picture of Jackson, who thought this little elf was pretty cute!!!