While we went those weeks and months without seeing Heather, we finally reconnected and decided to go to Party on the Pavement with them in Racine last year (we went again this year and there is a post about it up on the blog). And, I think this is when our relationship started to turn again. And not bad turn, just turn back to where it was, or at least a start in the right direction. That, and this blog has helped unite us and bring us closer together. There is just something about having the 4 of them (6 if you include the 2 cousins, Heather’s sisters’ children — which yes, we believe are part of our family too!!) hang out together.
Magical. That is how I describe it. Thank goodness for dictionary.com, who defines magical as beautiful or delightful in such a way as to seem removed from everyday life. Yup, that pretty much sums it all up. Not something that is part of your everyday, but when you are together, it seems as though there is just something different about it. Not bad different, just different. Something magical about it.
We walked around, we talked, we played, we laughed, we watched our children play together. We were simply together for the first time in a long time and it just felt so right. The kids all got their faces painted, and somehow they all chose to get “batman.” How funny is that? They all were getting them done at the same time, so they didn’t know what each one was getting. Too cute!
This is when we thought we were still going to be having another baby (if you didn’t read about our failure, go back and read about losing the baby girl we never had here Failure.) so I remember telling Heather about it. Heather had just had baby M (check out my previous post– Missing Each other. I also remember how “skeptical” I was this time around. The birth mom was nothing like Heather. This experience was nothing like it was with Heather. I even remember saying to Heather, “Well she is not you!” I know it is not fair to expect every relationship to be like Heather’s but I was dreaming it would be.
And if I am going to be really honest (which I hope to always be on this blog- don’t take anything offensively, it’s just open dialogue) I was desirous to be a mother again. Not really jealous. Not really envious. Not mad like I would have been previously. Not sad like I would have been previously. Just yearning to be a mother again myself. Seeing Heather and baby M was great. She looked good. Baby M was adorable. Life seemed (remember, what things look like on the outside might not be what they really are on the inside) so good for her. Which is why I think I didn’t have as many “negative” feelings when seeing them but I wanted to be a mom so bad again, that I wished it was me. Wished it was us having another baby. At the same time, I thought I was going to be having another baby, so it made it a little easier to enjoy. I was just ready to be a mom again. Boy, do I wish I knew then what I know now. What is even better, is that whatever is in store for me ahead, Jesus has already gone before me. What peace and comfort that brings me. Knowing, I don’t have to worry about tomorrow, what I know, what I don’t know, what to do, what doors to open, what doors to close, Jesus has gone before me. And this, this beautiful relationship we have is all part of His plan. I will forever continue to give Him all of the glory.