Just to make sure that you all get to see Heather’s side of the conversation, her comment to the last blog post is below. This is EXACTLY why I love open adoption and the endless amount of support she gives me. It takes a village and I am proud to have her in our village.
I often wonder the same thing at times, “where did our society go wrong?”…. Many people don’t completely think to the fullest before speaking if their words could potentially be hurtful. A lot of people don’t completely consider all the possible factors. I’m hoping nobody intentionally hurt you with those questions, though. I wish I could take all your pain away, but I can’t… We all have pain, deep down inside, and I am happy that you are using this blog as a way to kind of set it free a little, and be completely honest about your life. It is very courageous. I also think you are an amazing person for taking to fitness as a way to cope when you were emotionally at your worst back then… That is so inspiring to me.. Also, I am so excited to see you and tell you how your blog has recently helped people that I know!
Jackson is most definitely NOT just a product of a one night stand! (as we all know)… I’m not worried about him feeling unloved, unwanted, or down about who he is and where he came from. Firs and mostly, because he has you and JJ as parents. I know he is going to be greater than great. I JUST KNOW THIS!!!! He also has me. Forever and always, he will have me. If he has questions you can’t answer, I will always be here to answer those tough questions.
I know I haven’t always been at my best these last few years, but I will make sure Jackson knows just how special and BLESSED he is, as much as I can.
This is hard to write, but it’s honesty – all my children were born before marriage, 2 resulting from relationships, and 2 not – and they all have different fathers.
For awhile, I was very worried about how Jackson was going to view me! Most people judge me almost immediately. But, just to be honest though, all my children are under the same type of circumstances, and all I can do is make sure they know I love them, have always and will always love them, and for my children that I am raising – do my best at raising them. & not worry. Just let the worry go, and have faith that everything will fall into place – one day a time.
Jackson was a blessing from the beginning. I love him no less than the children I am raising. I’ve actually thought about him asking me that – why did I keep my other children and not him? I will tell him nothing but the truth, how it all happened, and how amazingly everything altogether led me to his parents. I’m ready for those hard questions, actually. (Ready as I can be)…
My oldest son has already asked me why I didn’t keep Jackson. (He’s the only one who really knows and understands the situation – & he used to ask me SO many questions when I was pregnant with Jackson). He wanted a baby brother SO bad back then. I told him the truth about everything. & for a short while, he was jealous of Jackson – because Jackson has a mom and a dad who are together and with him everyday. He has always wanted that SO BAD! I taught him to not be jealous, though. Instead, be happy for Jackson. & he is, he is happy for him, and he loves Jackson a whole lot, and gets very excited when he knows we are going to spend time with you, Jackson, and JJ….
I just want you to know that I’m always going to be here for all of you, for whatever you need! NEVER hesitate to ask anything from me – for advice, help, ANYTHING AT ALL….
I mentioned previously that I haven’t been the “best birth mom”… but I’m doing my best. After I went to an adoption conference in May and listened to an adult birth son speak about his birth mom, and what he wanted and needed from her, it helped me realize my purpose as a birth mom. Seeing you guys a month later was awesome. When I’m physically with Jackson, I don’t throw myself at him because I don’t want to scare him or make him feel uncomfortable. (sometimes I just want to pick him up and hug him really tight and kiss him a million times)… I just don’t want to freak anyone out – especially him!!! (lol) When we were camping and Jackson agreed to walk with me through the grass, and while we were walking he looked up at me and said “I love you” to me… It melted my heart. I never knew if I would hear those words from him.
This open adoption thing isn’t simple, it’s complex. The beauty of open adoption is that it can be as beautiful as you allow it to be. & I’m glad we make it beautiful.
But, I know this quote that I thought of when I first started to comment:
“Be kind whenever possible, it is always possible”
I just realized I’ve written way too much now. I can’t wait to see you guys tomorrow!