Open Adoption.

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Before I continue sharing about the days, weeks, months and even years after Jackson was born. I want to share a little bit about how we chose open adoption. For those of you who don’t know, I work for a family law attorney. I have worked in this field of law for almost 10 years. There is nothing glamorous about people getting a divorce, fighting over their children, or even fighting over the bushes in the front lawn (true story).  But both of the lawyers I have worked for when asked why they chose family law have said, I didn’t chose it, it chose me. I feel the very same way about open adoption. In fact, when we were told that our adoption agency, the same one everyone in our family had used, only did open adoptions, I sort of had a panic moment. I didn’t want that. I wanted a baby, period the end of it. I didn’t want the drama of dealing with another person in my life or I had heard many stories at this point in time, about the birth moms being too involved or too particular about what they wanted, and I wanted no part of it. Then I was nicely reminded that it wasn’t about me, it would be about what is best for our child and the best thing for our child is to know that he/she was loved by his adoptive parents and his biological parents. And then Heather chose us.

We have attended two sessions of the parenting education requirement for our adoption agency, once when we first started the journey many years ago and once last year when we thought we were going to have another baby through adoption. And in both meetings and in many things you read about adoption, you will learn about the adoption triad. There are three parts of the adoption triad, the child, the birth parents and the adoptive parents. The child is at the very tip of the triangle, indicating the most important part of the triangle and then the biological and adoptive parents are at the bottom, supporting the child. It really makes perfect sense if you think about it.

triangle

One of the things I love most about an open adoption is that there are going to be questions that Jackson is going to have when he gets older that there is no way we are going to be able to answer, but I know that Heather will. And I just love that that dialogue can take place now and in the future. I love that we have chosen open adoption for Jackson.  I love that Heather has chosen open adoption for Jackson.  Nowhere in this graphic does it say it’s going to be easy.  Nowhere in this graphic does it say the conversations will be easy.  The triad doesn’t seek to make things easy, the triad seeks to support Jackson because that’s what’s right for him.  We are his parents, but we feel Heather is just as much a part of this triad to ensure Jackson is supported and successful. In the end, it’s about Jackson and our love for him.

I am often reminded that Jackson was a gift from God. Not just an unplanned pregnancy but was created by God, just for us. He was given to us as a gift, to be raised up and released into God’s mission field. When you stop and actually remember this, it makes open adoption seem like a no brainer. Speaking of no brainer, you can check out our video (I used no brainer in the video!!) here. This was filmed just before Jackson’s first birthday at our home with our adoption agency as a way to promote open adoption! I don’t mean to brag, but it did win an award. 🙂 #itsaboutlove

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