Life Struggles.

HeeschApril2017_0457bHe completes me!

Before I get into Jackson’s birth story, I want to reach out to those who are hurting. I spent a lot of time questioning God, being mad at God, wondering when it was going to be “my turn” to have a child and just waiting for life to begin without realizing life had already begun. JJ and I have an incredible marriage but that didn’t come without its’ struggles and hurts along the way.  I will share with you a few things that were incredibly helpful for me to hear, I just didn’t know I needed to hear them at the time or I didn’t want to hear them at the time.

“Am I enough?” Those were the words JJ spoke to me probably 4 years into our wait of becoming a family. I was taken back for sure. Of course he was enough. I loved him with all of my heart and then some. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But at the same time I felt like a piece of me was missing. I wanted to be a mom more than anything in this world. I never wanted to be a “career” person. I didn’t want to be a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer, a teacher, an anything; I wanted to be a mom. But that harsh reality was setting in that I just might not be a mom. Was JJ going to be enough for the rest of my life if God’s plan for our life was not to become parents?  Which leads me to another piece of advice we had received, well really it was me that received it.

“You just might not be parents.”  Wow. I am not sure I wanted to hear those words but at the same time I needed to hear those words.  I had spent so many days, weeks, months, and years waiting for life to happen, waiting to become a mom, waiting, just waiting. When I finally “let go” of the control, the plan I had for my life it was 3 months later we got the call about Heather. Of course hindsight is always 20/20 but if I had known our story was going to be this beautiful I would have saved myself a lot of tears, worries, emotions and exhaustion. That is the beauty of it all, you never know what your story is going to look like. You can plan your life all you want, but until you let go of the control, you won’t find what you are looking for. Take those vacations, take the job promotion, move to a new place, buy a new car, buy the new shoes for all I care, just stop making decision based on the when and ifs in life! My advice, sit back, relax, enjoy the ride and let the beauty of God’s plan for your life unveil itself it HIS time.

That is the exact reason I started this blog. Well maybe not the only reason but it sure was one of them, for you to know you are not alone. I had and have an incredible amount of support around me, people who have been in my shoes before, people who coached me through these difficult moments, people who dropped everything to listen to my struggles and pain. I want everyone to know you are not alone, no matter what your struggle is. If you ever just need to vent, I am your girl. If you ever wonder when will it be my time, I am your girl. If you ever just need someone to listen, I am your girl. If you ever want advice (well it may not be perfect nor am I an expert), I am your girl. Please, please, please, don’t go at it alone. Reach out to someone. I will be your someone! (I have added a contact me section right below this post if you want to reach out to me).

 

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